 The
DVD Cast: All about . . . Ivan the Slug
Though he may not look much like a Slug, Ivan
is surely the slipperiest, slimiest most slug-like
character ever to slide across the air waves
and deposit itself on your living room carpet.
His reputation for laziness (except when borrowing
money) has gained him this nickname, which
he no longer bothers to reject.
He is a dapper, moustachioed rogue in a black
hat and cape
and a fancy waistcoat. Two-faced and double-dealing,
he can
be charmingly polite one minute and breathtakingly
rude the
next; he knows no shame and will stoop just
as low as the
situation requires.
Ivan has a finger in every pie and a hand
in every till: he is
always on the look out for a way to make
a fast buck, but
inevitably his schemes land him in debt,
hot water and, as
often as not, the Workhouse. Yet he always
seems to bounce
back with a new angle or a clever excuse.
He is a cheat, a crook and a coward, with
a fondness for
champagne, flashy cars and kitsch. Yet he
is one of those
people you can't take you eyes off - wherever
he goes things
happen, and stories just seem to unfold
around him.
If he was a pantomime character he would
be the one most
likely to be booed, yet the booing would
gradually give way
to sympathy and even affection, for while
he never learns
from his mistakes, we do!
We see so clearly where he goes wrong that
we long to take
him on one side and have a quiet word in
his ear - to put him
back on the straight and narrow: alas he
has never stayed on
the straight or the narrow for more than
a couple of hours at
a time, and his most profound resolutions
to live a better life
are washed away, like slug trails in the
garden, by the lightest
shower of rain.
While he is not naturally gregarious, Ivan
needs the other
inhabitants
of Pontefractium as foils for his misdeeds
and
misadventures, and sooner or later everyone
gets caught up
in the frenetic melodrama which makes up
the day to day
existence of the incorrigible, the inimitable,
the unforgettable
Ivan the Slug.
Ivan says:
Who wrote this libellous rubbish? As soon
as I work out
how to unlock web pages I shall delete it.
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